Up, Up and Away

What is it about the change of calendar year that makes us want to throw things in the air? Hats. Confetti. Streamers. Underwear (that once).

Silly people, such as dictators and Americans (for example), like to fire bullets into the sky.

But let us not forget the fruitcake.

From Manitou Springs Colorado (to which you must bring your own mechanical launching device) to Fairmont Minnesota to Attatash New Hampshire--Americans (I don't know about dictators) celebrate the holidays by launching inedible bricks of candied cherries, raisins and rum aloft.

Or drop them into frozen lakes when no one is looking.

What would you catapult high into the air if all cultural and moral restrictions were lifted? A walrus. Jello salad. My aunt Eileen (only if there were a strict guarantee that she wouldn't land again). I bet porcupines would look gorgeous up there, too. Ladies in crinolines. Cary Grant (only if there were a strict guarantee that he would land again, right here).