"You've Got To Get Out More"

This morning, I called my mom.

"Smoochie didn't barf yet this morning and he had a normal poo. Bit green, but well-shaped and definitely firm. There's a weird smell of ketosis pee everywhere in the house or maybe just on my skin but I found an ad online for a product that takes care of it so I ordered it from Co-op's online delivery service and it should be here before noon. Isn't that wonderful? I love the internet. Oh, and have you tried the three-ply toilet paper from Super Store? Mom, I'm telling you, you've got to try this stuff. Heaven. I met a really nice lady at the Children's Hospital yesterday--she held the styrofoam barf tray for Smoochie AT THE SAME TIME she was holding one for her son, who apparently has been throwing up for four days now and it looks like peanut butter. I should really get a digital camera because I know it sounds gross, but it was so interesting. Peanut butter, I'm not kidding. Oops, it's nearly 10.30 and that means Toopie and Binou is on. I love that show, French, English, doesn't matter. It's superior entertainment. Lief doesn't care for it but I never miss it."

You know what my 80-year-old mom said then, right?