I See Bad People

I left the academy a decade ago because it became apparent that I killed medievalists. My undergrad advisor died of a heart attack just before writing my letter of recommendation to Oxford; one of my Master's profs at Toronto jumped to her death from the library tower; my PhD mentor succumbed to a degenerative disease. I thought it might be the kindest thing for the profession if I just slipped quietly out the big oak doors and did something else.

So I went to work for killers. First, an outfit of snipers and scoundrels that pretended to be protecting Western interests in the jungles of Burkina Faso and Liberia, and other wholesome neighborhoods around the globe, but who were really doing other things and had been doing other things for a long time in a wide variety of warzones, like Guatemala, where they weren't exactly on the side of the unarmed peasants. Then Raytheon, who I thought manufactured microwaves. Turns out my division made bombs and missiles.

So I went to work for harmless new media types. Bankruptcy and corruption ensued. Various lawsuits are ongoing.

So I went to work for myself. Just in the last three months, two of my clients have been rocked by corruption, FBI arrests and family court appearances.

Today I do believe I will apply for unemployment benefits on compassionate grounds for the entire universe. It seems like the best thing to do. For everyone.