Squinty

Today, I heard something chilling. Killing. Over-the-hilling:

"You need bifocals."

Seriously, could anything be more horrible? Apart from "Maybe one size up," "Don't pick at it," and "Mummy, you have hair under your nose"?

Suddenly, the whole world seems full of whipper-snappers, ingenues, and wet-behind-the-ears sass factories, where yesterday we were all young together. They could bottle this "bifocal feeling" and defeat the Iraqi insurgents, workplace psychopaths, the Christian Right, and female Olympic gymnasts and their evil hairdressers, all in one fell swoop.